The Experience of Solitude : The SELAH

Don't seek God in temples. He is close to you. He is "within" you. Only you should "surrender" to Him and you will "rise above" happiness and unhappiness. When we LEARN the true "gift" of taking one day at a time (often one moment at a time), our "fears" melt into stepping stones: our "hopes" grow into rainbows. The "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow is "the sacredness" of living "in the moment" instead of yesterday or tomorrow!

This paragraph began as just my "status" on Facebook today. Last week I started a new job. Needless to say it was quite a hectic week. I felt my mind arrested while training for all that is expected of me in my new position. Yet, this morning as I sat in solitude allowing my thoughts to filter and file themselves away into their appropriate places (some went to the trash, others on a shelf for "deeper processing later"), I found myself contemplating the "experience" of Solitude in my life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: "There are voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint as we enter into the world".

Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone. The artist knows she must be alone to create; the writer, to work out her thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray; the engineer, to design; the pastor, to listen to God's voice and prepare her sermon.

Yes, I have used the feminine here. Being a woman, I truly understand that women NEED solitude in order to find "again" the true essence of themselves. Men have their "man-caves"...that den with the TV where the boys can come over and watch the game etc. For women, the challenge is not entirely in finding "the room" of one's own, the time alone, as difficult and necessary as this is. The true challenge is more how to still the soul in the midst of its activities in order to "feed" her soul. Greta Garbo never declared that she wanted to be "alone". She said: "I want to be LEFT alone." There is a significant difference.

I don't own a cell phone any more. It is precisely this very reason that I gave it up. After losing my Corporate job last December, the "necessity" of a cell phone went away. What I found was everyone used it for "their" convenience of calling "at a moments" notice. What I found more revealing was the "effect" it had on my "being". My "solitude" became invaded. I have a home phone, leave me a message and I will get back to you when it is convenient for me.

Over the years as I have gradually tried to HONOR Spirit's unfolding in my life by not neglecting the gifts WITHIN me, I have meditated long and hard about this inner directive, this CRAVING for "solitude". I love the company of my mate; I adore and love spending QUALITY time with my close friends and family; I get so excited when "masterminding and brainstorming" with a professional team of people. But what I have discovered that brings me the most delight is The SELAH. While living my most authentic self and composing the symphony of my life, I have found that in order to "share" the music of my soul in the most beneficial way that some of the notes require "pauses". In the Psalms...how often is there written something profound only to have the word Selah mark its finish.

I yearn for those moments of Selah "my time, with no obligations except toward that most inner world and what is going on inside there, and the communion and time spent with self and God." Maya Angelou once said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."

I believe this should be true not only that a man has to seek Him just to find her, but "our children", and "our friends"...for then we are truly "sharing" our time together unabated, without regret, and without competition. To maintain inner harmony it is ESSENTIAL for me to "set-aside" a couple of hours worth of "solitude" out of EVERY 24 hours to defend "the essence of me" against all intruders and distractions. There are times when a friend will call impromptu and want to "get together", and I will say "Not today". My saying "not today" is not saying NO to "that individual" but saying YES "to my self".

Deliberately SEEKING solitude "and by that I mean QUALITY time spent AWAY from family and friends may "appear" SELFISH but hear me loud and clear....IT IS NOT BEING SELFISH! No Ma'am! Solitude is as necessary for our "creative spirits" to develop and flourish as are sleep and food for our "bodies to survive". Living in America and this fast paced western culture today, this is a difficult lesson to learn to literally LEAVE one's friends and family and DELIBERATELY practice the "art of solitude" minimally for an hour a day. And yet, once it is done, I find there is a QUALITY to being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, RICHER, more VIVID, fuller than before.

It's impossible to "experience solitude" regularly for any extended length of time without personal passions and authentic longings surging to the surface of your awareness. You soon learn to follow the wisdom of your own heart and have the results begin to blossom in your life. When you make the conscious choice to RISK YOUR SIGNIFICANCE, and live so that all the information that comes your way as a "seed" goes on to the next waiting soul as "blossom"...then The Garden of God will truly come to life for that which came as blossom goes on as "fruit". We must learn to navigate our lives FROM THE INSIDE OUT (where God dwells) so that rather being at the mercy of lifes changes, we are able to offer the world the gifts that are yours alone to give. Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.Chose your dance carefully! It is my hope that in sharing my message of solitude today, that you will never again be FORCED to move to the rhythm of others.

Let me reassure you that there is a better path. When you learn to respect yourselves and cherish your need for solitude, you realize that solitude cracks open the door to LIVING LIFE...versus just mundanely "going through the motions" unfulfilled, drained and exhausted, and barely crawling into bed at night only to toss and turn waking unrested.

Those of you who don't take time out for solitude are at risk of a serious toll on your health and are likely to suffer from "privacy deprivation syndrome". Yes, this is just as serious as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Most have heard of PTSD and know its effect on family, and relationships. But not many know of "privacy deprivation syndrome". Symptoms include increasing resentment, mood swings, chronic fatigue, as well as depression.

Sound familiar? Sound alarming? IT IS!

I was once a sufferer myself struggling through the day in a vacuum of unfulfilled exasperation, only to drop into bed too emotionally depleted to sleep well at night. I wanted to blame my mate...but the truth is it was my own doing by not saying NO...I NEED time for ME...instead I pushed forward checking off the list prepared for me. The smallest thing set me off, bringing tears and tantrums. Soon my work and personal relationship began to suffer. Why? Because the never refreshed are no fun to be around. The cycle may continue unabated until physical illness sets in. I found myself suddenly sick with the flu that lasted for over a month (and I hadn't been sick in 10 years). When I finally got rid of the flu, I kept a sinus infection that I couldn't shake the whole fall last year.

I share my personal story here with you to send the message loud and clear that you don't have to make yourselves sick in order to get a time-out. Unfortunately for so many women especially, this is the ONLY time you allow yourselves "down-time" and time alone or "solitude" (with no expectations placed on us). This may be how real life is for many of you reading this today. I urge you to carve out "soul-caring time". Everyone can all find ways to regenerate once the realization of just how ESSENTIAL solitude is to your "experience" of inner harmony.

Begin slowly but with RESOLVE and take comfort in knowing this can add up to a lifetime of SERENITY. Be patient. And yes there are going to be "those days" ( and I just came off a week of "those days") when you don't have a moment to yourself, take to heart the advice of photographer Minor White who discovered that "No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer It has chosen."

Lastly, I want to end with a few quotes from one of my many mentors from whom I have learned much.

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." -Maya Angelou

"Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman"— Maya Angelou

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. "— Maya Angelou

"A Woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination
prepared to be herself and only herself "— Maya Angelou

"Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' Have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you."— Maya Angelou

"The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart."— Maya Angelou

In conclusion, I pray that with each stroke of the keyboard, every time my mind shifts and cracks like molten lava, and a stirring happens within me compelling me to share with you, that the music of my heart reaches out and not only touches yours...but moves you.